"Land of the Living Past"
In the 1990s, millions of people in the Balkans
found themselves caught
up in hatreds and resentments that went back to squabbles
and atrocities of
the 1300s. One journalist called this area "the
land of the living past."
In writer William Faulkner¹s words, "The
past isn¹t dead. It isn¹t even
past."
Ancient hatreds and animosities still exist. The
trouble is already out
there walking around. The dead hand of the past is
not so dead. People still
living carry around bitter folk memories of wrongs
inflicted on their
ancestors, wounds that have been passed on down.
A phrase from Exodus 20:5
comes to mind: "the sins of the fathers to the
third and fourth generation."
Hatreds take on a life of their own‹the Capulets
and the Montagues in
Romeo and Juliet; the Hatfields and the McCoys in
early America. In Bosnia
the hurt went marching down the generations.
In the face of deeply rooted hatreds, can a simple
apology be of much
help?
"Attitudes have a kind of inertia," wrote
M. Scott Peck. "Once set in
motion they will keep going, even in the face of
the evidence. To change an
attitude requires a considerable amount of work and
suffering."
That¹s the hard part. So where to begin? Who
is responsible for trying to
break such cycles of hatred? The dead? Obviously
not. Who, then, will step
into the breach, and how?
Sins of the Fathers?
Many counselors believe that an indispensable first
step in shutting down
any cycle of hatred is to work toward an apology. "What‹a
simple apology?"
Wait. No apology is simple. That¹s why it has
to be "worked towards." It¹s a
process. It requires emotional and spiritual commitment
on the part of the
one offering it‹and for the injured party
to accept it. Which is to say that
neither mercy nor forgiveness are easy.
But what about things that happened generations
ago? Can a living
generation be held accountable for what their ancestors
did? 2 Samuel 21
records a severe famine in Israel in the time of
King David. David sought
God¹s advice. He was told: "It is on account
of Saul and his blood-stained
house; it is because he put the Gibeonites to death."
Centuries before, the Gibeonites had been promised
protection as resident
aliens (Joshua 9:15). Saul had broken that pledge.
Now David¹s generation
was paying the price. David asked the Gibeonites, "What
shall I do for you?
How shall I make amendsŠ"
Offenses are personal. To deal with them often takes
a personal response.
Even on the parental level we can see the power
of an apology. When a father
or mother sincerely apologizes to a young person
for overreacting harshly,
immense goodwill can be created. It thaws out the
frozen relationship where
everyone stumbles around in a half-evasive daze,
not sure of what to do
next.
Breaking the Cycle
A reconciliation specialist from Ireland tells us: "The
first step
towards peace is to talk truthfully about what went
wrong." A sincere
apology often clears the air. "I¹m sorry
we¹re having this problem." Where
wrongdoing is deeply layered it takes stamina to
break down barriers. "There
are many examples in history of nations who have
tried to bury rather than
face the past. If we try to ignore or bury the past
it will haunt us and may
even destroy us."
Forgiveness is an act of release. It can be graciously
extended after a
generous apology is offered. But when there is a
refusal to admit that
someone somewhere did something very wrong, relationships
remain frozen.
Human nature being what it is, the next step is often
to blame the victims
for inflating the situation. "You¹re making
it up. It¹s not that bad."
And so, the cycle continues. The sickness remains.
But the good news is
that there is a better way.
It often begins with an apology.
(Reprinted with thanks to
Christian Odyssey magazine.)
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